I have been thinking about something lately. Actually, I have been thinking about it for quite some time.And I thought I should start sharing some of my little field notes with us here.
You know, the ThisDay Life Lessons platform was created way back in 2017. One of the reasons I started it was very simple: I wanted to keep some of my friends — including some of the older ones I have known and related with since I started active reporting in 1989 — within my radar.
I wanted a place where, every now and then, we could reconnect, talk, share experiences and, hopefully, learn something from one another.
Let me again say a big thank you to my boss for life, Prince Nduka Obaigbena, for allowing me to attach the THISDAY brand to what became the Life Lessons Platform.
Something else has happened to me along the way.
I have found myself increasingly drawn to two kinds of people.
The first are people in the twilight of their lives — men and women who have seen quite a lot, survived quite a lot and are now patiently waiting for the day they will make the final journey.
I enjoy sitting with these people.
There is something about listening to an 80-something-year-old talk about life that can make some of the things we worry ourselves sick about suddenly look very small.
The more time I spend with them, the more I notice something.
At that stage of life, many people are no longer talking so much about the things they spent their younger years chasing.
They talk about God. They talk about family. They talk about relationships. They talk about helping people. They talk about making peace. They talk about what really matters.
And interestingly, many of them don’t seem particularly bothered anymore about who knows their name, how much they own or which investment instrument is giving the best return.
That is one category.
The second category fascinates me even more. These are people who were once somebody.
People who occupied important positions. People whose names opened doors. People who were celebrated, respected and perhaps envied.
And then, somehow, life happened. They found themselves in the valley. Not necessarily because they deserved to be there. Sometimes circumstances simply dealt them a hand they never expected.
We have shelves full of books telling us how people became successful.
But how many books do we have from people who are willing to tell us what they learnt when success disappeared?
That is why I have developed a special appreciation for people who are willing to open their old notebooks and let us read what they wrote while they were in the valley.
One of such people is Col. Peter Obasa, an elder on this platform.
Some of you may remember that we shared his story here and in THISDAY some years ago.
Col. Obasa was a prominent figure in Nigeria in the early 1980s and played a significant role in building a national institution that has continued to unite Nigerians.
His military career looked almost like a script written for a glorious ending.
He trained in some of the best military institutions here and abroad. He left impressive footprints wherever he served. His colleagues respected him. His superiors saw him as a rising star.
Then came the twist.
A man who had been at the pinnacle of his career suddenly found himself in prison.
He eventually spent seven years and 56 days behind bars.
Think about that for a moment.
Seven years and 56 days.
And yet, sitting with him recently, I discovered something fascinating.
The prison years had not destroyed him.
They had taught him.
I had a lengthy conversation with the elder, who is now 88 and has been dealing with the consequences of a surgery that went badly. Yet, despite his physical limitations, his mind remains remarkably engaged.
As we talked, I found myself going back to some of the prison notes he shared with me about four years ago.
I asked him a very simple question:
“Sir, if you were given the opportunity to start all over again, what would you do differently?”
His answer stopped me.
LESSON ONE: TRUST GOD — NOT PEOPLE, NOT CIRCUMSTANCES
He said that if he had another opportunity, he would trust God only.
Not people. Not circumstances. Not positions. Not systems. Not even the things that appear certain today.
It was not the answer of a young man theorising about faith.
This was an 88-year-old man looking back over a life that had taken him from the heights of military service to the depths of a prison cell and back again.
There is a difference.
Some lessons are learnt from books.
Others are learnt from life.
And some are learnt the hard way.
Perhaps that is why this one stayed with me:
People can change. Circumstances can change. Positions can disappear. But God remains God.
LESSON TWO: FORGIVE QUICKLY
His second answer was even more sobering.
Forgive quickly. Why?
Because, according to him, unforgiveness does more damage to you than to the person you are holding in your heart.
That one is worth sitting with.
Sometimes we imagine that when we refuse to forgive someone, we are punishing the person.
But perhaps the person is sleeping peacefully while we are carrying the load.
Perhaps forgiveness is not necessarily saying that what happened was right.
Perhaps it is simply deciding:
“I will not allow what happened to continue controlling me.”
After seven years and 56 days in prison, I thought that was a powerful lesson to hear from a man who had every reason to have a long list of people he could be angry with.
Instead, he chose forgiveness.
LESSON THREE: A LOT OF WHAT WE CHASE WILL EVENTUALLY MEAN VERY LITTLE
Then he dropped another nugget that I have not been able to shake off.
He said:
“More than 90% of the things we paid attention to when we were much younger are of no relevance when we get old.”
Wow. Think about that. The things that keep us awake at 35. The things we fight over at 40. The people whose opinions we desperately want at 45.
The positions we kill ourselves trying to attain.
The houses. The cars. The titles. The recognition. The competition. The need to prove that we have arrived. And then one day, you are 80-something.
And you begin to look back and ask: “What was all that about?”
That, for me, is one of the most sobering things about spending time with people who have travelled much farther down the road than we have.
They give you a glimpse of the destination while you are still busy running the race.
And suddenly you begin to ask yourself: Am I chasing the right things?
Over the past 12 months, I have had the privilege of interacting with about seven people whose stories fall somewhere within these two categories.
Seven people. Different backgrounds. Different stories. Different journeys. Different valleys.
But strangely, some of the lessons keep repeating themselves.
And whenever the opportunity presents itself, I have been making notes.
Not because I have all the answers.
Far from it.
But because I am beginning to realise that there are some lessons you don’t have to learn the hard way if someone who has gone ahead of you is kind enough to share his notes.
That is really the reason for these little FIELD REPORTS.
Nothing too heavy. No big speeches.
Just some things I have picked up along the way that may make us pause for a few minutes and look at our own lives differently.
I will share some of them here from time to time.
I won’t give away too much.
For now, let’s just call this one:
THIS LIFE SEF!
And perhaps the first question to take away is this:
REFLECTION POINT
If someone who has lived for 80 years could sit beside you today and tell you that more than 90% of what you are currently worrying about will eventually become irrelevant, what would you stop worrying about — and what would you start paying more attention to?
Just asking…what do you think?
matthewawealth@gmail.com
